Kal me was like ...what are they subjecting us to...yeh sab sunne se pehle mere kaan kyun nahi phat gaye...but then you know na...my sense of humour...to socha aaj uske kaan kyun na phaad dalu jiski wajah se mera yeh haal hua.. .Geniusji...Bhagwan kare aapke bacche jiye...aur har roz aapka khoon piye.
.jaise aap hamara pite ho
Chalo...dil ki bhadaas out...me ready to face another episode of ....of...of... pata nahi...kuchh bhi, jo bhi, jisse bhi jaise bhi, lagan lagani ho..usse lagao lagan....
And ofcourse as soon as I log in I get to see...Lo! and behold! Diggu the Piggu and his better half....Badshaah(to better half hi hai na...he is better than Diggu the Piggu because anybody is better than Diggu the Piggu and he is half...yesterday only he said that na...to hua na better of half of Diggu the Piggu)..both are in fusion....(oye kud dimaag!! ...I mean to say that they are playing mouth organ and violin in jugalbandhi) ...and voila!!( jiska humein, tha interzaar, jiske liye dil, tha bekaraar, wo ghadi ,,,,nahi nahi... wo gaadi aa gai aa gai...aur ...) there climbs down the flower garden called Kala and Diggu the piggu says that here comes the phonewali calamity...Badshaah is all ogling at her and says that she looks clever..(clever ..sach bata...yehi kehna chahta tha ya kucch aur.tere expressions to kuchh aur hi kehte hai re baddy!!!) He tells Diggu the Piggu that she looks like she is capable of giving as much money you want....and Diggu the Piggu tells Badshaah to leave so that he can deal with Kala...
Kala and Diggu the Piggu
Kala marches towards Diggu the Piggu and puts a bag in front of him and sits beside him on the small wall...(Kyun re ...aagai na raste pe...baithne aai thi Dutta ki kursi par...baith rahi hai Diggu ki makeshift wall par) She looks at him and says that you can find God if you wish to find him, but finding you is more difficult than that (how do you know???..have you ever gone to find God???...then how can you make this comparision) Diggu the Piggu is looking the other way and then stands up and starts his usual boasting...that when Diggu (he will not address himself as piggu na..) decides to meet someone..he does meet him....(wah wah..wah wah!!! )...Kala says you work for money na...this bag has so much money that you would not have seen in your life ..(And somebody please EXPLAIN this to me...Ganpat was brought into picture so that he can become yellow pages for Kala and give him the number of a sasta, and kifaaiti daam mein kaam karne wala gunda...because Kala did not have money!!!!...and that is why Kala had gone there sans-make up and her horrendous trademark earrings...to give the impression of being a poor woman...and Digguthe Piggu refused and so she is back to find him and give him a bag full of money and persuade him to work....now even if we forget that she had to give her bangle to Ganpat because she did not have money!!!! and now overnight she suddenly acquires money....then would some body kindly explain it to me!!!!...why would she be bugging Diggu the Piggu for this!!!!...why not get a more Don type person to find her bhau and vahini....somebody??? *Looks around* anybody??? *again looks around and finds no one *...*sigh* the mystery, the anxiety will kill me)
Diggu the piggu opens the bag, sees the money and says that yesterday you were broke and now you have brought this much money..I was right you are one problematic woman...(and why do they need to make his voice echo like this??? it does nothing but increases noise pollution and disturbs the ecological balance)...Diggu the Piggu says that he doesnot want to deal with a woman and Kala tries to persuade him but apparently fails...Kala says that why are you so against women?? you must be having a mother or a sister at home and Diggu the Piggu gets all riled up and says that dont bring family in between...and Kala says Sorry Digamber you felt bad..what I meant to say that I need you () and I need to avenge myself from those people and by this time you must have realized how much I need you (yeh kya ho raha hai....mujhe kucch samaj nahi aa raha....Kala needs Diggu...fantastic..take him!!..should we gift wrap him???...woh kal wala Lal banyaan laana zara!! wrapping ke liye red accha rehta hai na...and get those ribbons out of Nakku's hair...I need to tie it around Diggu the Piggu...haye haye...kya mast lag raha hai...kisiki nazar na lage....kala tika laga du)
Diggu the Piggu says but why only me..there many other people who will do it for money..(arre nahi...waise hi itne naye characters hai..aur aayenge to mein naam kaise yaad rakhegi re yede) Kala says that there are very few people who deny me and you had better think about this, you might this enemity very costly...and Diggu the Piggu says that good that you have given this acquaintance a name of enemity ...what is that enemity which is not costly ( I love literal translations) and Diggu the Piggu walks off leaving fuming Kala...
Kala marches back to her car and drives off and has flashbacks and (oye!! oye!! oye hoye!!! Duttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! ahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!...after so many days I heard his voice...Nakku!! yedi!!,, why dont you have flashbacks that have his voice......taras gaye the uski awaaz sun ne ko mere kaan...haye haye! dillllll ko thannnnnndak mil gai,,,haye haye haye!!!!!)
She has the flashback of her last encounter with Dutta when he had told her that she is not a part of Patil niwaas nor is there any place for her in Patil wadi...get out and stay alone and repent....(and after this absolutely blissful voice, I am subjected to the voice of that chameleon with only black and white options, NS and his raddiwaalaaaaaa!! voice) she has flashbacks of NS telling her that if she had come to him as Dutta's sister he would have helped her, but not now...she then remembers his best friend ...Suds rejecting her plea for help and then Diggu the Piggu telling her that she is one crafty woman and he will not work for her....(Basically they showed the downfall and utter disgrace of Kala...the moment Dutta left her, the whole world turned against her..no body is with her...)
A white car comes in front of her and stops and Kala gets mad and gets out of the car and says that are you drunk? what kind of misbehaviour is this?? (arre bhai,,, itni jagah hai baaju mein..nikal jaa...why do you want to fight in the middle of nowhere with a pathetic car wala ... but Lo!! niche utre hai... My favourite...aapka favourite..hum sab ka favourite....jiski aane k khushi mein ek sher arz hai....
jab se aaya hai,,,bas acchi khabar laya hai...aisa lagta hai...sadiyon se ye na nahaya haiO
NS and Kala
Only-black-and-white-optionwala-chameleon...gets out of the car and tells Kala you know me??....Only the person who can throw you out of the house can have the guts to stop you...(Oye!!! you ...Dutta threw her out of the house...NOT you...and we have eyes and ears to tell us that...ok???...and believe me !!...121 plastic surgeries by a very bad doctor cannot make hamara Dutta looks as horrible as you..so please shut up!!!)Only he can put his foot on Naagin's tail...Kala says when you have thrown me out then what is the need of stopping me...and NS asks where are you coming from? , where have you been? (well!! pardon me!! but doesn't it sound like a hubby-wifey dialogue)
NS is pressing for her where abouts and tells her to open the car but Kala refuses and NS puts a gun on her head and Kala gives her keys to NS and the BGs search the car and find drug packets (Ewwww...the classy vamp reduced to a drug supplier...congratulations!!! Kala!!! now you can officially sing ..Dum maro Dummmmm!!!!)
NS asks Kala how long she has been doing this and with whom she is doing this business with...Kala says that dont act as if he doesnot know anything (and why are there undercurrents of a love story gone awry in these dialogues) and NS persists on knowing and she wont tell and puts his gun on her own head and NS smiles and takes her hand into his and removes it from the revolver giving that leeched smile of his... and says that there is something about her, her courage and her spirit which made her let go even the last time...(Kala is proud as a peacock...her bruised ego is being soothed and balmed right now by an able massager),,,he tells her that he wont let her do this business in this aread...but he can suggest an area where she can do anything....but that would be outside patilwadi...and Kala is not happy with this proposal...but NS doesnot let her oppose and walks off and Kala is left at the car thinking that you want me to leave patilwadi that means you want it for yourself....(ishmart...Baaji and Ullu...learn something from this woman, defeated, alienated and hopeless...she still has her brains intact and you!! you people have donated them to the scientific labs for human experimenting)
Nakku, Diggu the Piggu, Mai and the Children
Badshah is boasting before the children that he and Diggu the Piggu used to play some fantastic Gulli danda and the children tease him and make him fall and Nakku who is watching this shouts at this and Mai comes out worried but looks that Nakku is enjoying this so she stands there smiling...
Badshah goes away and children are beginning to play when Nakku comes to play and the children teach her how to play by not moving her eyes from the gilli....
Nakku says ok (oww that was so simple and childlike) and hits the gilli...and any guesses where it lands ??? the place we wanted to kick since so long ...Diggu the piggu's back)....
Diggu marches there all angry and everybody is worried and he asks who did this (arre blind piggu!! cant you see nakku holding the Danda??? isme kaunse rocket scientist hone ki zarurat hai..thoda sa...bas thoda sa logic istemal kar le...ya phir isme bhi apne cards se puchhega...) nakku drops the danda and Diggu sees this and sees the fear on her face and smiles and says that it was good (good tha na!!! to itna drama kyun kiyar re!! bechari bachhi ko daraya!! aane de mere Dutta ko....,,,,,wahh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!Dutttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
He tells her take a better aim next time...put a bit of more power so that the gilli goes right past me from above my head (arre above your head jayegi to kya matlabb...it should go right on our head)
Chendya tells him that how will she know....you teach her and Diggu the Piggu says that he doesnot have time...and chendya tells him that Daru ki kasam and Diggu the Piggu bows down to this kasam
He throws the gilli in the air and tries hitting it, but misses it...and everybody laughs (and me too having my evil laugh,,,see you cannot even hit a gilli) he tries again and still misses it...and Nakku comes and tells him that I will teach you and tells him dont move your eyes from the gilli and then hit forcefully ...she has this childlike way of saying it ...and then the way she walks back and stands there saying that now I will stand here so that the gilli wont hit me...Diggu stands there and stares at her the whole time...his attitude changing....*sigh* and then suddenly comes out of his reverie and then hits the gilli and this time he hits the mark and Nakku gets all happy and claps saying that see I taught you na and Diggu the Piggu looks around proudly and pulls his collars...(oye hoye! kya bada karnaama kar dikhaya ladki ke saamne...collar upar kar raha hai..chal thik se button bandh kar and put your collar down badtameez...Kal sikhaya thaa na...Paraya dhan, parayi naar pe nazar mat daalo!!! buri aadat hai, aadat ab badal daalo)
Precap: Baaji and Suds fighting and AS comes in and becomes sad and says that NS was right ...the chair should not remain empty...(Oye!! NS ki item!! woh chair empty nahi hai...woh Dutta ki chair hai...aur uss par tune uss chameleon ko bithaya na...mein teri moti bodi bina air baloon ke hawa mein uda dungi..phir chakkar maarti rehna..neptune, pluto, mars ke)
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